Sunday, January 9, 2011

Free Verse-Future-Assonance/consonance

I hear romantic music, I dance to salsa music, I live gospel music, I pray, I cry, I smile, I scream, I dislike, I like, I am who I am. I live throw music, I eat throw God hands, I sleep in God whom. I am who I am. Im talented im many areas of my life, I inspired souls, I like for thee because thee died for me. I sin like a sinner I prays like a failure, I cry like a baby, I swing cause I play, im pure because im still a virgin, I know what it means to stop the cycle because I have stop the cycle. The future starts with me, because I am the future which you life depends on, I am who I am. I am serious as my heart beat; I am flawless like a bird. My name is Sharnay and im so very, fly oh may its a little bit scary boys wants to marry looking at my derrierr, but if he touch it im am going to burry, pretty as a picture, sweeter than a switer, mad cause im cuter than the girl that’s with yall people., I aint got to talk about it people can she it because I know im pretty. All eyes on me when I walk in. don’t hate me because im beautiful, my walk, my talk the way I dress it’s not my fault, don’t hate on me people.

4 comments:

  1. Change all those commas in the beginning to a period. Because there is no need since you have a complete thought.
    'throw' through
    'I sleep in God whom' whom what? Its a fragment.
    I am serious as my heart beat; I am flawless like a bird. You misused the semicolon.the two sentences need to relate to one another.
    'ly oh may its a little bit scary boys wants to marry looking at my derrierr' huh? Also, its derrière.
    Oh my gosh. I just figured out this was a poem. Okay, maybe you should put it in this form:
    I hear romantic music
    I dance to salsa music
    I live gospel music
    Overall, good:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like how at the end you incorporated a song into your poem

    ReplyDelete
  3. This very touching and sweet. I like on how you express in ever verse!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like your poem because it has a very intimate type if theme

    ReplyDelete