A good driver

Certain people have different ideas of what a good driver is. Just because you always abide by the speed limit, slow down at those yellow lights and always let people cross in cross-walks does not make you a good driver. It means you are a cautious driver and frankly, there is no place for you on my road, so get off. A good driver knows how to control his vehicle at all speeds, within reason of course, and in all sorts of conditions, whether it be rain, snow, sleet or a completely dry road. This type of person makes driving a fun, enjoyable adventure. It is a pleasure driving in the company of someone who shares the same opinions about driving. As one of today’s greatest philosophers George Carlin says, anyone who drives slower than you is an idiot, and anyone who drives faster is a $#@& lunatic; this statement is true to any driver around the world. There is nothing more satisfying than speeding down the highway with a fellow driver and trying to see who can get to a location that doesn’t exist down the highway first. Some would refer to this as a race. I know I would. I will now discuss some techniques that are only known and practiced by good drivers, by my definition at least. The next technique is not to be done with a random person but rather a person you know (a good driver, of course). This is what I like to call tag-team driving. This fun yet daring method originated during a trip home from Loon Mountain by fellow good driver John Smith and myself. The idea here is to open lanes for your partner and help them get into good positions on the highway. With this technique you can each travel faster as a unit rather than just two separate vehicles. The one warning here is that you both might get kind of excited and a race may ensue between the two of you so you must be careful.

The next modus operandi is passing, one of the most important techniques to learn, and learn well. If you can’t pass somebody quickly and without running them off the road, then you are a bad driver and quite frankly, shouldn’t allowed to control a two ton vehicle. There are certain myths about passing zones and where passes are legal and where they aren’t. Allow me to clarify. It’s legal anywhere, on any road, in any state. The double yellow line is a joke. It’s actually challenging you to pass by saying “Hey, I bet you can’t pass that car ahead of you around this bend.” The hell you can’t. You see? It’s not a law that you can’t pass on a double line. It just means passing at that point is ill-advised. Those of us who are good drivers make our own rules. If you can visualize the pass, then you can complete it. Let me re-iterate. It’s all about the visualization. I simply can’t stress that enough.

Dimensions. You must know the dimensions of your vehicle, this is key to all good drivers. If you do not, you are going to find yourself, well, hitting things and that can get damn expensive. I can’t even count the times where people in my car have felt uncomfortable in my vehicle, yes, I know it’s hard to believe, because I’ve, supposedly, come close to hitting something. I constantly have to reassure them that I know my vehicle and its dimensions, and will not hit anything without an outside force acting on my vehicle. Ha, Ha, foolish passengers. When you ride in the Integra, you’re in good hands.